What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
