everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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