Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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