It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
