Do you still have your period?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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