elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
