My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
