the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
