We're facebook friends in real life
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
