I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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