if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
