Cold hands, warm shart.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
