You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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