His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she peed on how many people?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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