Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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