planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
