I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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