I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
