well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
