Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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