i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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