I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
