nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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