Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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