i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
