lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
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This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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