dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
