I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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