the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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