After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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