swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
