Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
