i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize