Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
