Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
