I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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