She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
