the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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