Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
