I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
