I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I just sharted jello shots
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