I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
