I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
