I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
