Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
