You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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