This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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