also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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