I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
