True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He better not be in your backpack
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
