At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
