So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
