She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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