I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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