He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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