I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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