I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
