it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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