he wants to bone in the snuggie
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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