eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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