it was like his penis was on wheels.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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