I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
