Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
