Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just want to make out with him forever
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
