i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
