Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
