Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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