the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
