the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
