fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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