i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
