He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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