Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i think i just lost a toe
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