? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
