we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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