you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize