I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
