I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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