im drinking this country out of the recession.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
