come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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