just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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