You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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