I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
