Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
