Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
