Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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