Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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